You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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