dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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