new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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