someone threw a dead crab at me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
