I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think my moral compass just broke
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize