ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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