he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
