With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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