Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
