Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
we should paint friendship bongs
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