I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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