cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
