Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i now understand why vodka
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
