Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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