I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
