your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she peed on how many people?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
