An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
