i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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