I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Everyone says I win the strip club
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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