I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
