Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
