So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
