the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
