yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is Oprah even human
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
