is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
