I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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