she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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