He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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