Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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