On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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