Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just found puke in my bra..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
