I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
