Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
