ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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