I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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