dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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