i permit you to call me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
