At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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