Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
