New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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