honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
