About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
