Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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