Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
