He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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