operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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