I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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