I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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