One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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