...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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