Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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