nut hugger
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
