WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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