I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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