Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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