just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
