I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
