He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
