so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
